Conviction, Discovery and War

Wow.  I just have to start off by saying wow.  What an amazing bible study this morning.  Last week was so great because it was bringing to light so many things in my life that I had done, that I hadn't really realized until now.  It was a little convicting.  Today I felt was even more convicting than last week.  There were questions that were being asked that were so deep..and when I answered them, I had to sit back and really say, 'oh my goodness, I was really doing that?'  It's amazing how much you discover about yourself when you are brutally honest, and don't try to keep things in the dark.  I mean, God knows all, there is no reason that we need to hold these things in and keep them from ourselves.  What is that going to accomplish?
One section was discussing the four principles for reconciling with God. They went like this:
1.acknowledge our sin
2.accept God's discipline
3.ask for forgiveness
4.act on God's direction
Then Priscilla asks "which of the four principles do you find most difficult?"
I know that I am very stubborn when it comes to wanting to admit that I am doing, or have done something wrong.  It is only long after the discipline has happened that I accept it.  Why are we wired this way? Or at least, why am I wired this way?
At the end of the study, Priscilla asks another question, "recall a time when your return to fellowship with God was spurred on by internal conviction through God's Word....How were you compelled to obedience?"  Honestly, when I started this bible study, that is when I felt compelled to obedience.  I wasn't running as far away from God as I usually do, but still, I was keeping a short distance between myself and the LORD.  I knew that when I came to this study, the first night, that God had planned to use this time to reveal to me all the things I had been doing, .  He wanted to show me where the path was going to lead me, and where I needed to be going.  After I answered that, I read the paragraph below it, the part that really stuck out to me was this: "Our Journey back to the LORD begins when we take time to consider and accept the conviction He uses to stir us and awaken us to the new direction He wants for us."  OMGosh...was that not God telling how to answer the previous question?  When I read the portion I just mentioned, I wrote down in my margin, 'that is exactly what I said...and I didn't even read that part yet...God is great!!!'
I have been so moved by this study.  But during the last week, I have felt a very intense game of tug-o-war going on with my spirit.  Every time I feel the LORD stirring in my heart, and my fire is being ignited in such a way that I feel that nothing can put it out, the enemy sneaks right up on me and starts bringing buckets of water to my fire.  He would never be able to extinguish it completely, but a it's really hard to keep it burning even with a gallon or two of water thrown on it.   At least, it's impossible to do it by yourself.  I have been praying and begging God to help me on the front lines.  I know that everyone is going through these battles constantly, and we all need constant prayer.  I will be praying for all of us, that God will remain triumphant, (and we all know He will) and that we keep our eyes turned upwards, and our hearts wide open.
I pray that your day, and this coming week would be blessed, and I can't wait to get together next week!
Prayer and blessing over all of you!